Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Heal yourself by being transparent

Heal yourself by being transparent. You do not need to be perfect, but childlike clear. Sometimes we don't even know that we are lying to ourselves, and usually its not a total lie, but a little bit of it, so we can feel alright with that, but that takes a toll on the energy, and eventually on a physical body. Be transparent. Be as you are, feel what you feel, and don't feel inadequate for that.. Acceptance of imperfection of our own character and appreciation of our uniqueness and transparency is freedom.

What is the fastest way to freedom? Not adjusting the character constantly, not making it better, but knowing our true nature, and living from it as much as possible. Sometimes we forget, but if we practice inquiry Who am I?, this is not merely a question, it is a living energy that keeps itself by momentum. It comes on the surface of the mind, even in the darkest night of the soul, it will land to our attention at some point. And we suddenly remember who we are, the truth of being. Don't scold yourself for forgetfulness, it's not your choice really. Just find yourself again and rejoice in the meeting.

What is our true nature? You know you exist. You know you perceive. Before anything, you are already. Otherwise how would you know? That space of being is our true nature. You are. I am. Already, by default. Here.  

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Monday, August 14, 2017


We forget what intimacy is.  Let me re-fraise, I forgot, you might very well know it.  So you can welcome me into it with your open arms.  Like my partner did, who held a space for me to be as I am until I broke all the armors.  I didn't know I have them, I suspected, but how you know what you are missing when you never knew it or completely forgot? You feel inadequacy.  You feel the fragmentation.  And thats what I felt.  I didn't know where it is coming from, this feeling of un-satisfaction, in spite of the clarity of the mind,  what is missing?  My heart was frozen in time, as life went, there were many times when it flash freeze again and again.

My son called me and said "Я тебя люблю!", "I love you" in Russian, and suddenly I felt this warmth I forgot, when I held him so close to my heart as a baby, when I kept hugging him as a child, and as pre-teen.  Last years were brutal, it was hard for me, was hard for him, but we re-united in the heart.  I was missing him, and he missed me, and there is nothing we could do, so we just kept going as we could, knowing we love each other anyways.

It happened simultaneously for us both, I don't know what his journey was, mine was as always though what G.I Gurdjieff, the great mystic of the 20th century, named "conscious labor, intentional suffering" - main ingredients of transformation of a man.  You stay with the pain, and you keep aware, don't settle for less: don't deny, don't hide, don't divert, don't lie to yourself.  Keep honesty, even if it is only within you, even if no-one supports or understands you, even if you are judged and misinterpreted. Please keep this spark of human conscience, it will lit the way back home.

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Monday, July 17, 2017

To be without explanations

Sometimes in life we have these very potent in their transformational quality, but intense, bizarre, unexplainable situations. Most of the times mind will try to analyze, explain, justify. Don’t listen, tell the mind it is ok for you to be without explanations. Then we also try to explain and justify for others to understand us. I will tell you, it never worked for me. The situation was created as a display of the deep mind conditioning. The details don't matter, but mind will try to pick some details and explain through them the whole situation. Never works. People get even more confused about you, and even more alienated from you. Just say it was a storm, a processing, an inner work, however you can name it, and that you leant a lot, and then leave it at that. Let them learn what they need to learn for themselves from the situation. This is more true and more compassionate to yourself and others.

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Sunday, July 16, 2017

Just do your work

The first dip into enlightenment, what we call awakening to our true nature, that experience is like starting chemical reaction. Without your participation it re-makes the whole being for years to come. At some point all the unprocessed emotions, attachments, identifications will come to the surface. This is very advanced stage on the path, don't be fooled by your ideas and anyone who expect you to be saintly. Those who done with this stage, see clearly where you are. They have much respect and compassion for your journey and offer unconditional acceptance. Those who don’t accept where you are at the moment, not ready for this work themselves yet, or cowardly. Leave those behind, let them be, and you be as you are. You know exactly what you are and what is your work at this moment. Just do your work.

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Monday, July 10, 2017

The Destructive nature of Awakening

With my brain re-wiring for many years after awakening (7 years in Sept 2017), my old life completely dissolved, there is nothing to hold on to for me anymore, everything from the past is gone, everything.  Every person, every environment from the past is gone.  I shed all I could, though it was not my choice.  

Given a choice, I would choose more gentle and kinder ways for myself, not stripping all to the bare bones. If you think you can control this process, I can assure you, it will be absolutely unexpected way unfolding for you every moment. We project how it should be and in what way.  It is an old thinking trying to secure the place in a journey forward with you, but it will be left behind anyways, you will be amazed how. All the suggestions from all the teachers in the world will not help you at that moment, you would have to face the destructive forces of the enlightenment by yourself, and there is no way to prepare for that.

 People will project on you all kinds of things: their ideas about you, where you stand, and what's going on, but it has nothing to do with you, and you will have to let go of that garbage too.  You would have to stand for your own way of being, in spite of their judgment, their own misunderstanding, that you at sensitive times will take as your own. You would have to drop that transference, and it will involve more judgment and more misunderstanding, but you will have to learn how not to listen to that, and continue to breathe. 

 There will be also body changes involved, sometimes sickness, misbalance, apathy, and you will have to ride with that too, you will learn complete humbleness.  You will be blind for sometimes where you are and where you are heading, and you will make steps in all kinds of directions, that will serve you well or not, but there is no way you can calculate the trajectory.  Sometimes it will seem like you went sideways, and there is no way out, but then you will find yourself breath with full lungs again. 

 You will see all kinds of writings about awakening and enlightenment, and they wont have to do anything with you at the moment you experiencing, please trust what you live, even if it looks like a total disaster, a crucifixion.  In trust you will get clues on your next move, even if it is only a slight move of going outside for a walk, or a fleeting insight descending as a lightning into your being. Even the slightest move changes the world we are completely.  Every moment is a birth of that world.  May we completely die each moment without a doubt, and be reborn in a next one a little closer to the majesty we are.  

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Friday, July 7, 2017

When Two Come Together Physically

When two come together physically in complete 
authentic intimacy, 
they arrive in the space of no thought, 
a space of total loss of the identity, 
the space of the beginning of it all, 
the peristalsis of being, where the world churns itself and
projects the lovers into existence.
Disappearing in that space every so often, 
even for a moment, 
facilitates the opening to an authenticity in a daily life. 

When one tasted and recognized completeness of one’s being, 
if they contract into the role in a life circumstance, 
they will feel inauthenticity in them in relationships 
with themselves and others. 
Noticing will be immediate.  
The role will be dropped on a dime, 
or one would decide to exit the circumstances, 
since being authentic might not be possible at the moment 
due to their own conditioned beliefs 
that are still in the mind, 
but inauthentic relationships 
are not an option anymore. 

Living in the world we constantly wear a role, 
some of them feels more natural, 
some more coarse and uncomfortable then the others,
some are more holistic, some more detrimental.
Even “an authentic being” is still a role, a character, 
though the least possible contrived character 
that consciousness got to wear 
to participate in the world.

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Friday, June 9, 2017

Wabi Sabi - Practicing The Beauty of Imperfection

Recording a video yesterday,  I suddenly started to talk about borsht - a beet soup from my country of birth.  Talking about it made me so joyful and light!  I felt first time how I actually enjoy my hardcore Russian accent!  25 years in this country, and my accent is still perfect! :) 

Someone asked me once: "How long you are in USA?", probably thinking: "She just arrived".  When I said: "25 years in New York City", instead of judgment that I expected, they got so impressed and exclaimed:  "How did you manage to preserve such a great accent!?" This really put me at ease, and I said: "I tried really hard!" 

I always were shy about my English, and my accent, and my Russian now, believe me, not better too! For some reason I am given this challenge in life: to be a writer, a speaker, a storyteller in my being, and having this imperfect tool to use! 

My friend reminded me today about an old Japanese art form -  Wabi Sabi - the way to embrace impermanence of this world and see the beauty of imperfection.  How wonderfully this applies to my verbal expression, how much more warmth it brings to my heart when I smile, remembering talking about borsht, and posting it to the whole world without fear!  I used to have fear of being ridiculed, rejected, not accepted, judged.  When I immigrated to USA from Russia, I used to feel dumb and not smart enough, even though I had an Engineering degree, only because I couldn't express myself in the clarity and precision my being always demanded from me.  

So today I am practicing  Wabi Sabi - seeing the beauty in imperfection.  It feels natural to love playful me. It feels very compassionate and generous.  It feels life-giving. I encourage anyone who still feel shy about anything in themselves that feels less then enough, drop that idea, and instead see the beauty of the uniqueness that is only you.  

Only you are with that birthmark on the cheek. Only you are with that special crackling voice.  Only you are without that tooth, and that one too.  Only you are with that accent that makes everyone smile and listen.  Only you have those interesting body proportions.  Only you got that life experience.  Only you can sing as you sing.  Only you can write as you write. Only you can love as you love.  Isn't it beautiful to be you?!  Let's practice Wabi Sabi and celebrate the uniqueness in each of us <3

The video I mention in this article is here: 
Elena's YouTube video on borsht :)

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Thursday, June 8, 2017

Life As a Teacher?

We hear so many times: "Life as a teacher".  
What does it really mean?
Why then we read books, listen to teachers in search for answers?

When we believe we are separate beings: 
here is me and there is the world,
then we believe that things happen To us, and we seek advice 
how to fix what is happening to us and around us.

If we are awake to Life,
we know "that over there" is a part of us.
We do not need to seek advice outside from our own perception.
The perfect teaching is right in front of us, including us.

We just learn to read the "Book of Life"
where words are perceived objects, people, characters,
and the sentences are circumstances, environment, relations.

We learn to read our own story,
which is exact representation of the mind state in the moment.
Have a question? That question is a part of the story,
and it will be answered. Just ask and be ready.

Have a worthy question, kick back, and SEE.
The answer is right in front of your eyes, don't miss it.
Abandon conceptual thought, even for a moment,
and SEE.

This answer will include full sensory experience at first,
keep looking. 
Have another question: 
"Who is the one who see"?

3D glasses might drop suddenly,
t h e   w h o l e 
w o r l d 
at once.

The End of Your Story.

The YouTube version here: Life As a Teacher narrated by Elena

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Thursday, June 1, 2017

A Little Closer To Who You Are

I know my life is different from yours, the storyline, the movie, we all have different stories to live and tell here. 

Beautiful intricate stories, they all based on certain scenarios written by gods...just kidding.. I don't know really, I can speculate and present you very logical and believable version of what scenario is and how it was developed.  

Some of us so much in their roles, it is so seamless, "What you are talking about?! Thats totally me, and thats who I am!" Besides that all is a holographic image, and we are not even people we think we are, and the world we think we live in does not even exist, hahaha, besides that, even the roles we assume may be far from the most fitting, they are familiar and habitual, but they are foreign just as any dress on the body is not really a skin. 

What we do when we notice we are in an old role that doesn't feel right anymore? We get out, we take the mask off, we reject any attempt to put that mask back on us and put us back in the script. We now see the script, we see the role, we see the mask. We are confronted by everybody to get back to it: put it on, get in, be just like we want you to be.  

Fuck that. Be free. Step out. Doesn't matter what they think, what they say, its all one play - do not forget that, in a way its a scenario testing itself if it can run its usual course, or if its time to end - *poof *.  

This is a good time to kick back and just chill, no step forward, no step back...stay where you are, inhale deeply and FEEL. And Just Be. Thats enough. Thats actually perfect. BE. Don't be somebody, someone, a role, a character...just name, no form, no reason. Just BE. Let life run its course. It will breath you. It will sustain you while you just BE. The role is finished. You can raise, breath, and start another one, little closer to who you are.

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Monday, May 1, 2017

Attention: Shit Train!

Did you ever hopped on a Shit Train?
You will know for sure if you have been there!
Remember, you woke up one day in a low mind state and you continued your day in the same state through all the different dealings and situations? You were on a Shit Train! 
Every sit on this train is a shit seat. You change carts, go from one situation to another,  
still it's the same train of negative thoughts, 
you are on the same train - 
Shit Train - 
Ta da! 
There is only one way out -  
is to exit shit train. 
The Shit Train 
like any hop-on hop-off sightseeing bus or train. There is no real destination, this train goes in a circle!  
As soon as you are on, you get to sightseeing the shit! 
One after the other. 
Don't get comfy.
Stop the train, 
even if it takes to press the emergency break 
or jump of the train by switching your attention 
to something that change the mind state.  
Do it as soon as you aware you are on, 
you got the ticket somewhere, 
and you are taken for a ride 
until you got enough of it, got it?
Can be a minute, or a day, or a lifetime....
Be aware where you sit and what you ride! 

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Born in June 2011 out of inspiration to share how to end life long spiritual search, drop the observer, and return back to naturalness we are.

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